• One step forward, two steps back.
• You’re sailing along, on top of the world, and suddenly, CRASH.
• Why can’t things just go RIGHT, consistently??

If you’ve ever had any of the above thoughts, you are SO not alone. Lately it feels like I’ve noticed the following pattern: I set a crazy goal, making a commitment to persistent and consistent action in support of said goal…

Then you know what happens? I HIT the goal. And I sail. I celebrate, war-whoop, sometimes I dance, and make the kids dance with me. I take myself out for oysters. I tell my friends. I revel in the win, I roll in the cool, earthy, mud of my attainment. I toast a local beer to myself and the work I love.

And then, you know what happens next?

I hit a wall. Hard.

Hitting a wall, for me, might look like any or all of the following:

• I feel like I have no money, or have to scramble to pay for something we need.
• Something painful happens in a relationship.
• I lose all motivation, let my schedule collapse, stop exercising, don’t make time to take care of myself.
• I lose a couple nights of sleep and can’t think straight.
• I let a work deadline go by, don’t stick to a blueprint I made for a project, don’t reach out to attract new clients.

And I feel like I’m slipping, I get caught in panic, I tell myself stories about how I can’t do what I need to, how I’m failing, how I can’t get organized enough/make enough money/lose enough weight, etc.

I do. I do all those things. And I know you do some of them, too.

And I have a huge default pattern of thinking that goes like this: say I’ve been tracking my money. And I’ve been writing down everything I spend in order to take control of my finances and connect with my financial abundance. I keep a little notebook with me and jot down every payment I make, every little thing I buy.

And then, for two days, I forget. Or I remember but I already messed up and didn’t write down purchases from this morning, so I feel like to write this afternoons purchases doesn’t make sense until I write this mornings and get caught up…

And before I know it, I’ve “failed.” And I tell myself the old story that I can’t even keep track of my expenses. I can’t even manage my money. And it slips through my fingers. And I’m irresponsible with money. And who knows WHAT the heck would happen if I had a whole lot more of it! I’d be losing track of a WHOLE lot of money instead of just the amount I have now!

But this pattern is SO not working for me anymore. It really isn’t. It’s just screwing stuff up, making me feel terrible, and not helping me to manifest what I want. It’s STOPPING me from being able to get what I want.

So this is what I’m doing differently. After reading “The Big Leap,” by Gay Hendricks (have you read it? If not- put this down and go get it. I’ll be here when you come back: The-Big-Leap) I’m changing sh** up.

I’m letting go of feeling like crap about myself and I’m choosing to see all this stuff that’s coming up as gateways on the trip upwards and onwards. As necessary pieces that are floating to the surface for me to deal with and release, so they don’t block me anymore.

And then, I’m re-committing.

I’m re-committing to myself. To my goals. To my work. And I’m allowing myself the gentle act of love of starting over. It’s OK that I didn’t write down any expenses yesterday– I’ll start all over again today. It’s OK.

I want to succeed more than I want to be able to do something perfectly.

I’m ready to move forward- I’m ready to have what I want. And I’m committed to taking the steady steps to make it so.

Are you?

Does this sound familiar to you? If you’d like some powerful tips on breaking this habit for yourself, make sure you subscribe to my newsletter for ways to practice this work at home. Subscribe here: http://www.inarmscoaching.com/index.php

For years and years I’ve watched women come out about being victims of violence. I read their stories. I applaud their visibility, bravery, and healing– both out loud and to myself.

But I’ve never shared my own story. A deep sense of embarrassment, shame, and sadness has kept me silent and invisible in this way- even as I work on being seen, being visible, living big and shining in my own, authentic, joyful way.

And I’m realizing that part of being seen for whom I am and what I’m here to do is owning every single little dark corner, and sharing the parts and pieces that will serve my own healing and the healing of others…by coming forward with a story that I’ve been holding in for over 20 years.

I’m ready to be wholly seen- terrifying as it feels. I know it’s the next step to take, and I honor each woman who has spoken up before me.

I lost my virginity as a result of sexual violence when I was 13.

I was attacked and raped at knifepoint again, 6 years later when I was 19.

After the second attack I moved in with the Hell’s Angels, mostly from the belief that if I lived with the most violent and crazy men I could find, they would protect me. I didn’t report the attack to the police, get any theraputic or medical help, or otherwise acknowledge what had happened to me.

I continued the life of drinking to oblivion, of risking my life every week, abusing my body and heart, and doing massive amounts of drugs that I had started when I was 13. I worked in the sex business. I hurt myself. I rode on the back of a motorcycle doing over 100 mph at 6 am down the NJ Turnpike with a cranked-out man prone to frightening acts of violence, who had been awake for 4 days, after a night of partying.

I hurt myself.

This article isn’t about how I rose from the depths I wound up in. There have been many places where I’ve shared the tools I’ve used on the path I’ve walked, so this won’t be one of them.

This article is to let go of the shame, the embarrassment, the sadness I’ve carried all these years about what happened to me—and if you’re also carrying anything that you feel shame and embarrassment over—I want us both to be able to set it down, finally.

For every woman out there who has been hurt—and there are SO many of us—1 in 3 is the latest statistic—I want you to know that you’re not alone. It wasn’t your fault. There is support for you—and one day, with that support, you can step forward, loving every single part of you, owning it ALL, drawing power from everything that has ever happened to you.

And I want to lead the way for any woman who is reading this who HASN’T shared what she’s been through—whether it’s from fear of not being believed, or fear of being attacked, or shame and embarrassment for what happened.

For any of you who shrink from visibility, who hate yourself or any part of yourself, who hurt yourself, who weren’t loved, cared for, respected, protected or listened to when you needed to be…for any of you who feel like your power was taken from you…

No one can ever, REALLY, take your power away from you. It’s here, it’s been here, and you can re-access it. I’ve found it after all these years, and I can show you the way, too.

Follow me.

For practical pieces around reclaiming your power and sense of self, subscribe to my newsletter here: newsletter & tools for you

I’ve long had a problem being visible and authentic. Growing up it didn’t feel safe for me to be seen.

(If you can relate you might want to read more about my struggles with being seen: “Are You Visible?”)

I’ve especially (and this is hard to admit) ALWAYS hated the way I look in photos and video. Really- it makes me cringe. I can slash myself apart and tear myself apart looking at images of myself.

For a year or so, Very Smart Business Women have been telling me it’s time to do an In Arms Coaching video for my site.

And the thought has turned my stomach. I didn’t want to be seen. I didn’t want to have a video to cringe at, to mis-represent myself.

I’ve had such a deep fear of being authentic. Of hating the way I look. Of other women being like, “Who is this woman? I would never want to work with her.”

But here’s what was happening- my fear of being seen, of being authentic and valued for who I am and what I have to offer was BLOCKING my success- in my business, in my relationships, in my selfcare….everywhere.

And so, I rolled up my sleeves and went to work.

(Here’s where I get naked in public: “I Get Naked In Public…”)

And a month ago I booked a date to film my first In Arms Coaching video, at my house, in my favorite room, with my beloved dogs there.

And the morning of, I puzzled over what to wear. I cleaned, reorganized my room, and then cleaned again. I thought about make-up, my hair, and then changed my outfit again. Rich, the film guy, arrived, and I re-did my lipstick, and changed my sweater. I fixed my hair and put on more lipstick as he set up lights and his camera. I worried.

And then out in the street (we live on a very busy, 6 lane road), I heard barking. Not unusual, but it kept going.

And then I heard cars hitting their breaks and screeching to a stop.

And then a woman started screaming, and didn’t stop. And the barking dogs got hysterical.

I looked out my window and saw a group of men all looking at something just outside my vision, and all traffic stopped in the middle of the road.

Without thinking, I told Rich I’d be right back, ran out of the door, stepping into my big galoshes outside the door (always there for emergency dog walks) and ran outside.

What was happening was that in the middle of 6 lanes of stopped traffic, with a small crowd of people watching, two big mastaffs OFF their leash, with NO collars on were attacking a pit bull on the end of the leash of a hysterical woman. A man was trying to pull his dogs off the shrieking pit bull but with only two hands and nothing to grab on his dogs, he could only pull one off before the other escaped and ran back to attack the terrified pit bull again.

And no one was doing anything.

Some of you know I’m an outspoken pit bull owner, advocate, and rescuer- and that being said, I didn’t think twice.

I ran right into the middle of the snapping, whirling dogs and grabbed the loose mastiff around the neck in a choke-hold, dragging him off the bleeding pit bull. And held him with my whole body while the man dragged the dog he had into his building, then got a leash and came back for the dog I was holding.

From somewhere in the crowd a man whistled and said, “DAMN, girl. You BRAVE.”

And then I went back, covered in dog hair and slobber, shaking, and filmed this video.

I think it came out pretty well. And you know what? It’s probably more ME than it might have been if I hadn’t had such a bizarre event happen right as Rich started filming.

Here’s one of the pieces the women I work with learn to own for themselves:

When we show up completely authentically as who we are and what we love, we attract what we’re meant to have. We attract what we love. And the sky’s the limit, folks.

Join me.

I’m going to start this posting by sharing that it is SUPER difficult for me to write this piece for public consumption.

Part of one of the self-sabotage stories I tell myself is that in the work I do, women don’t want to hear about what ISN’T working in my life- what’s broken, sad, ready to be released, needing work. Part of the story I tell myself (and really, always have) includes that if I show myself as anything but super strong, having it all together, and on TOP of my life, women won’t see me as a supportive, successful coach.

And paradoxically and wonderfully, I’m realizing slowly that one of my strongest gifts, one of the ways I’m BEST able to serve is by being transparent about what I’m going through- the good and the not-so-good. It’s precisely the path I’ve walked and continue to walk that qualifies me and make me so able to serve women in the way that I do.

When I show up as fully, 100% me—no matter how different I think I seem, no matter how weak and scared I feel from time to time, no matter that things don’t always feel like they’re working—that’s exactly when I’m best able to serve myself and others.

So I’m writing this posting to you to share with you the pain I’ve been in lately, and how I’m working through it.

Because I know some of you wake up in the morning already in pain.

Because I know some of you wake up in the morning overwhelmed, with anxiety chewing at your insides.

Because I know some of you cry yourselves to sleep.

Because I know some of you eat, smoke, drink, take drugs, hurt yourself, have sex with people you don’t love, watch TV, and shop because you’re lonely, sad, angry, disconnected or feel lost.

Because I’ve done all of the above.

And although I’m in a safer, more loving place these days where I no longer (for the most part) do things that are harmful to myself when I’m at wit’s end, I still, sometimes, feel at wit’s end.

And the past month or two I’ve been there a lot more than I want to be.

And I want to be honest with you about them, because I think there’s some really precious learning here- for both of us.

There are pieces of my life that are completely out of balance and aren’t serving me right now. They hurt me. They make me sad. I cry. I fight horribly with my boyfriend. I feel like beating my head against the wall. I wake up in the morning anxious and sad. And the solution is going to take time- there are no quick fixes, nothing that’s going to work for everyone and make everything better.

And difficult as that is, it’s one of the lessons about love—when you love someone deeply you don’t get to just make quick-fix decisions that simply serve yourself. You have two hearts to consider. And sometimes that means you don’t get to make everything better immediately- sometimes love means hanging in there through some pain and sadness and difficulty, to get to the other side and see what happens.

And.

And even while I’m honoring that partnership, that friendship, that love, I’m in pain and sad right now, and that’s something that DOES need to be attended to right away.

And here’s my most important piece of learning: it is my ability– and entirely my responsibility, to be accountable for my own stability, happiness, and self-care no matter what’s going on around me. And furthermore, it’s my responsibility to be accountable for that WAY above and beyond it being my partner’s responsibility.

So whereas a month ago I felt totally lost and out of control in certain ways, totally at the mercy of events and people and situations outside of my control, that’s all changed now. And I had to be completely immersed in sadness and anger and fear to get to the place where I was able to change it.

I am taking responsibility now for making myself happy. For grounding myself. For taking unbelievably good and loving care of myself—because if I’m not doing that, if I can’t do that, how on earth can anyone else?

I’m starting right where I stand, with me. And maybe that will spread outwards. Actually, one way or another, I know it will. Because my love is contagious. And I have all the power I need. And that’s all I really need to know right now.

I’d love to share the practical how’s and why’s of this part of my journey with you. It’s been really, really valuable for me, and I hope some of it can be for you, too.

Please subscribe to my monthly newsletter to read more about how to wake up in the morning when it feels like your heart has been broken. Sign up here

I’m 40 years old!! I made it!

I’m so excited to be 40, to be unfolding into a decade that’s going to be all about manifestation, joyful work, the amazing parenting of a breath-taking little being, and succulent self-care.

 For my big birthday my plan was to find some sort of amazing Pilates retreat to take myself on but I couldn’t find the right one, so I created one. That’s another story, but my Pilates Goddess Charlotte Blake and I created the retreat I wanted—with her leading amazing Pilates classes every day, and me teaching some amazing coaching classes all around creating core balance in our lives. Oh, and we did it in exquisite Tulum, Mexico, with 10 amazing women (and one man) who all enrolled in the retreat.

So that’s the back story.

Here are the juicy bits.

Some of you have followed my writings around visibility (click here if you haven’t read this piece: “Are You Visible?”)

I like to say that the work we do is like peeling an onion—here’s one level, we cry as we peel the skin back…and then, underneath it, there’s another layer to peel.

My work on visibility asked me to stretch even FURTHER than I already had as we got ready to go to Mexico to lead our awesome group.

Here’s what I was facing. I’ve spent the last year REALLY looking at valuing myself, building confidence on both an inner and outer level. I’ve been working on body image and my health–working with Charlotte for a year now, losing weight, strengthening my post-kid body, getting longer and more flexible, until I fit in a smaller size of jeans than I did BEFORE I got pregnant, can touch the floor when I bend over, and have lost all back and knee pain.

 I’ve been working on connecting with my sense of self-value and self-worth until I can SHINE with confidence in almost any social situation, and not worry about what people are thinking about my tattoos when I speak with them. I can BE who I am, SHINE who I am, and trust that the folks who are aligned with who I am and what I have to offer will find me.

And I’ve TOTALLY gotten comfortable with showing up as who I am, and what I bring…

IN CLOTHING.

This retreat brought up all-new insecurities, fears, and doubts. The absolute LEAST COMFORTABLE I can possibly be is in a bikini (the only bathing suit I own, from pre-pregnancy, and believe it or not, one-pieces look even worse on me).

As I was packing to go away to lead a group, to represent and bring myself as a leader, as an authority, as a model and guide of the work I was offering, I was thinking about this: I had to show up to these women feeling like I was still carrying one or two too-many pounds, in a bikini, with ALL my tattoos (even the ones that I can usually cover at events, in networking groups, and on the phone with clients). For 5 days. And I didn’t even know some of the women who would be there – scantily-clad, inked me would be their first impression of me.

And I was NOT PSYCHED.

And I thought about covering up—easing my impact as my full, shining, curvy, colorful self—I could get a bathing suit with WAY more fabric to it. I could wear a cover-up on the beach. I could leave the tank-tops that I love at home: I could HIDE.

 But I didn’t. I connected in with my inner sense of value (more about that in my newsletter on getting naked – sing up here: newsletter list) and I decided to do the work of grounding and centering myself, so I wasn’t coming from a place of fear, and instead showing up 100% as my absolute, authentic, tattooed, lovable, powerful self.

And guess what happened?

 1)   I was topless (!!!) on the beach the whole time (and this also gave other women permission to do the same, which they loved)

2)   I ROCKED the workshops I offered – they were even more successful and powerful than I had hoped they would be

3)   I made new friends, attracted potential clients, increased my community and network

4)   I co-led a first-time retreat that had women asking for more, joining our list, asking when we’d do it again, and telling us they’d bring their friends next time.

 WHAAATTT?!?!?

 Yeah, that’s how I bring it.

 Want to apply this work for yourself? Subscribe to my newsletter for exercises and practical tips that you can bring home with you: newsletter

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” ~ Dr. Seuss

Growing up, what I learned from watching those around me was that we are controlled by our emotions. They dictate our behavior, our mood, our day. They dictate how we treat each other. They dictate whether good things or bad things happen. They dictate whether we make the days of those around us good or bad. Moods were everything.

As a young adult, this was my default setting. I spent my days rolling with the punches of my emotions, my feelings, my moods. If I was mad, I lashed out at those around me. If I was sad or depressed, nothing could shine through my dark clouds. I like to think if I was happy it was contagious, but I know that my dark moods made everything around me dark, and I acted from this place of blackness.

As I got older I learned first about the ability to choose how we saw things, experienced things, perceived experiences – first from an amazing writer named Viktor Frankl, who wrote about living through concentration camps in “Man’s Search for Meaning,” –which is, to this day, one of the most important books I’ve ever read – and then through the work around healing, magic and using energy that I studied all through my 20’s.

Wait.

Honestly? It’s hard for me to write about how long it took me to manage my energy and get on top of what was happening in my life. I just spent 20 minutes writing a perfectly good, essay-sort-of to begin this blog posting to you, and then scratched it all when I realized that I was hiding behind the writing, and I resolved that this blog would be about baring myself to you.

This blog is here for me to honestly, in my own voice, and with no holds barred, share with you the steps, bumps, painful scars, and damned-hard work that it’s taken me from there to here.

So I’m starting over.

It’s been embarrassing for me to do this work. It was embarrassing for me to try and start a coaching business that helped women build successful and happy lives when my 4-year old daughter and I were on food stamps.

It was embarrassing for me to coach women through leaving empty or unhealthy relationships, write want-ads for the kind of partner they were dreaming of, exert their needs and desires in their relationships…when I couldn’t find anyone to date myself. When I felt fat and ugly and tired and didn’t think I could pick someone up even if I covered myself in raw, local, (organic!) honey and ran naked down the street.

It was embarrassing for me to coach women around finding jobs they loved that paid them more than the $50, $80, $100,000 they were making…when I was getting off my coaching calls to go bartend or waitress all night to make ends meet.

I’m outing myself because I think many, many of us women feel this way. I really do. And we carry shame about where we are, who we are, what we have, what we don’t have, and so many other things.

And I want to tell you all this because I changed it. I changed it all. And although it’s been years of work, within the last 6 months the work has just EXPLODED into abundance and success – in a way that’s left me, even, a little breathless and blinking in the sudden light.

Energy management and the noticing of and subsequent attraction of abundance in my life has come in slow, painful steps. But at this point I feel like I’m so SUPER tuned in to gratitude of abundance that some days, it feels like it’s literally raining down on me.

You can read my newsletter for some of the practical tips and words of wisdom that I have to share with you (Sign up here) but what I’m here to share with you today is two things.

You are not alone. You really aren’t. There’s AT LEAST you and me.

This can change. It really can. You just have to decide to suspend disbelief, suspend doubt and fear, and just, for even the next 30 days, act as if you can work to change this.

I have an amazing group program for women starting in October. It’s based on my knowledge that with support, tools, and a group of women who see you and hear you, we can ALL manifest this change and create abundance. It’s called The Manifesting Abundance Program, and you can read more about it by going to the MAP page on this site: http://www.inarmscoaching.com/programs.php

I keep The MAP small and there are only one or two spots left. If you’re interested call me and let’s talk about it. Or email me. Either way, reach out, and take the first step to do things differently.

Much love,
Britt
(917) 971- 5347
britt@inarmscoaching.com

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I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about visibility after a two-day retreat I just took that was dedicated to bringing In Arms Coaching to the next level.

For women, visibility is a very mixed bag. And until this past week I hadn’t quite connected the dots around how our beliefs and fears about personal visibility so deeply impact our ability to put ourselves (and our heart-centered businesses) out there.

I grew up in the West Village of NYC. As a pre-teen walking the streets of NYC I attracted a lot of unwanted attention from men. I can remember getting in trouble over and over again by my mother for wearing my headphones walking on the street, music blasting through my earphones – she had a rule about not wearing headphones on the street because she thought it was dangerous, since she figured I couldn’t hear traffic around me. So I’d get punished again and again.

And she never asked me WHY I risked punishment to wear my headphones outside.

I was harassed all the time – on a daily basis – by men as I walked down the street. Sometimes it was annoying, sometimes actively upsetting and scary. Some of what they said turned my stomach and made me hate the way I drew their eye, made me hate my newly developing breasts and hips. They made me feel ashamed of myself for provoking them, they made me wish I were invisible. They made me angry and frightened. They made me feel incredibly out of control over the way I was seen and treated. And I had no words for what was happening to me.

So I got angry. And because it never felt like an option to avoid their stares, I got mean, and cultivated a volatile fuck-you attitude.

“You want to stare at me? I’ll give you something to stare at. And you won’t want to f*** it.”

The politics, anger, community and lack of appeal to the rest of the world of the punk rock movement offered me a voice, an image that was unattractive to the rest of the world, and a passionate (if somewhat disorderly and drunken) community of other kids who understood me, accepted me, and gave me an outlet for my sadness, anger, and frustration. In addition, while I thought I looked awesome and beautiful, my increasingly tough appearance disqualified me for much of the unwanted attraction I had been abused by for years.

So visibility, for me, was first something to shrink from, to avoid, something that brought threats and frightening behavior directed at me. Then it became something that I flaunted, that I cultivated specifically to irritate people, put them off of me, discourage them from approaching me – I wore my visibility as a porcupine wears her needle-sharp quills. The way I looked, the reactions of people shaking their heads at me, was my armor. And it connected me to many, many kids who felt similarly.

Fast forward. I’m 39. I have a 6-year old daughter and my very own business that I LOVE. And I’m still carrying a little bit of that young punk rocker in my heart. I have tattoos. I’m more comfortable in jeans and high-top sneakers than anything formal or business-like. I rescue pit bulls and volunteer with compost and worms in my free time. And I JUST realized how my old beliefs and fears around visibility are TOTALLY keeping my business smaller than it wants to be – they’re limiting the amount of women I can reach and support.

Here’s why. My old belief—from way back when—is that visibility is threatening, dangerous, shameful. And my reaction was to make myself unattractive, off-putting, and abrasive.

I got so used to my safety being tied to that image, to the knowledge that I looked a little crazy, a little rough around the edges, a little far outside the box…and I’ve carried that with me all this time.

Fast forward 15 or 20 years.

I’m a successful small business owner and a loving, involved single mother. I’m the sole representative for a service that guides women to their inner wisdom, to creating balance and joy in their lives, to creating healthy relationships, work they love, joyful parenting, and devoted self-care.

But I’m still shrinking from being seen.

In my head my old image, the one that kept me safe, is in direct opposition to the new, business-owning, woman-serving, hugely shining and successful woman I am today.

When I have an opportunity to put myself out there, to put In Arms Coaching out there, I hear the old belief/fear that no one’s going to want to work with me, that no one will look at me and see me as a successful business owner, one who can lead and inspire and guide other women.

I KNOW that’s not true. I know that there are so many women whom I have immensely helped, who have benefited from working with me. I know that when women meet me the ones who are my ideal client ARE inspired by me, by the way I walk my talk, by the way I stand for what I believe in, refuse to conform to anyone’s expectations or definitions, by the way I create my life and do what I love.

And I’m working really hard on knowing that I can be visible AND safe – that it’s safe to be ME and walk tall, show up, attract attention, and get noticed.

Because it’s time.

Want to learn how to apply this work to your own life? Sign up for my newsletter, “Are You Willing To Be VISIBLE?” and own this work for yourself.

I’m coming clean.

My work is based around guiding women to clarity, supporting them in setting up goals and systems that work for them, helping them to still the noise in their heads so they can tap into their deep inner wisdom and find the answers to the questions they have, clear the blocks and fears that stand in their way of abundance, and set their lives up EXACTLY the way they want to.

And a lot of the time, I walk my talk. And to be fair, in 6 years I’ve gone from a broke, alone, isolated, miserable and dis-empowered, overweight single mama to an amazingly happy women. I quit my day job last year. I work solely on what I love, and set the hours that I want to be working. I take off to go on 4-day weekends to a farmhouse upstate, to go have lunch at school with my daughter, for an unexpected beach day. I have more money in the bank than I need to live on right now, I have friends who support me unconditionally, I have a new beautiful home that I love with lots of space and no stress. I have time to work and do all the other odd things I love – save pit bulls, learn to be a supervisor at the compost center near our new home, read at least a book a week, cook lots of yummy food (next recipe to try: a summer pink lemonade cake!), take private Pilates classes, go back and forth to Maine to finish the octopus tattoo on my arm that I’ve been working on for a year…and more!

And here’s my confession. Sometimes, I let it all slip and it feels like everything crashes, in a glinting, smashed pile of sharp shards on the floor in front of me.

We moved at the beginning of this month. While it’s brought me no shortage of joy, the move caused an upheaval in my physical world and delivered a blow to my sacred structure that…it’s scary to admit to you here…has TOTALLY collapsed my work world.

Since we moved I haven’t done my Sacred Structure on Sundays. I don’t have a work space set up in the new place yet. I’m doing work willy-nilly with no blueprint because I haven’t made the time to set up a new blueprint.

And I’m outing myself, because I occasionally hear that mean, nasty little voice in my head that says, “You’re a fraud. You can’t practice what you preach. Why should women come to you for help? How can you help anyone?”

And I’ll tell you how I answer that voice.

First of all, I get support. This week it looked like telling my coach how I was feeling, and letting her call me on the loop I was getting into in my head by telling myself that I had let everything slip and had to go back to square one.

Then, it was the crucial step of energy management – which often looks like answering that mean voice.

I say to my mean voice: “I’m actually not a fraud, and it’s my own path and my own struggles and my successful navigation and overcoming of them that, in part, makes me such a great coach… because I know where women are coming from, and I’ve been there, and I know what works and can guide them to it. I love working with women who are ready to make changes in their lives because I know firsthand what a powerful place that is to stand in, and they can feel that love, and it makes them want to work with me even more! And that’s why women keep calling me saying a talk I did changed their thinking, or an article I wrote made them pick up the phone and call me – because I KNOW their struggles. I am a terrific coach, and I just need to take the next best step for myself here. What does that look like?”

Then, I pick one small step to get back in the swing of things. This week, that looked like making a morning to write this to you. Or two. :)

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The past few months for me have been all about focus. I’ve been focusing with laser-like precision,  dedication to discipline, attention to detail. I’ve been focusing on my relationship. On my parenting. On my work, especially, as In Arms Coaching moves through the biggest up-leveling it’s experienced to date, from “maybe-this-will-work” to “Hang-On-Here-We-Go!!!!”

And I’m looking inwards as we move into New Moon in Pisces, a time that encourages us to tap into the less-focused, the more laid-back, more highly sensitive time, to let go of our go,go,go drive and roll more with our creative side, our visionary, inspired parts…

And here’s what I’m hearing.

There’s a time for detail, for drive, for hard-core discipline and focus. And there’s also a time for sitting back, letting the pen drop from your hand, and loosening your focus to dream a little. To take your mind of the minute-by-minute details of what you’re working for and to instead dwell a little in the feelings, the intentions, the experiences I want to be having, not just the literal results.

Here’s what I’m dreaming up: laughter. passion, feeling heard and loved. a home that feels safe, joyful, light-filled and mine. jumping out of bed in the morning joyfully into my day. long, happy days with my kid, partner, his kids, dogs. ease. peace. loving treatment of self. time.

What are you dreaming up? How do you want to feel?

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I can get all wordy and write a few pages here full of self-help-speak, new-age-y terms, and psychology-babble, but I’m going to just cut right to the chase and hand you my lesson for this month:

In every day, situation, relationship, and interaction, we can choose to focus on the crap, or on the gold.

What you focus on will multiply.

What do YOU choose?

As a wise woman says, marinate.

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