Guts clenching and churning in anxiety. Mind racing to create 10 different fear-based stories. The urge to run to escape the discomfort. The voice of “I told you so!”

Feeling sick. Feeling depressed and helpless. Getting angry – at the other person, at the circumstances, at someone else’s actions, words – even at their bravery or perceived lack of fear.

Ever feel any of these as a reaction to fear? I spent most of the middle of the night last night in this truly uncomfortable space, feeling like a complete idiot for even being back in this place that I knew so often, so long ago.

For each of us the fear is different, highlighting old beliefs, old patterns of thinking that we’re just SO ready to confront, expose, and release out of our heads, out of our hearts, out of every single cell in our body that it creeps into.

My fear right now is around making myself vulnerable to this old-turned-new relationship – it’s been SO long since I’ve been in an honest, loving, respect-based partnership– it feels completely new again. And honestly? It’s setting off every alarm I have. Every boundary alert, every systems alarm – they’re filling my head and heart with the clanging of old fears. If I hadn’t been doing this work for so long I’d be listening to all the terrified voices in my head, unable to hear the inner wisdom, my authentic voice among all the frightened, old voices.

Patty Lennon wrote a guest blog for My Daily Joy (check it out — Inspirational My A**) that really highlights how when we talk about personal growth we tend to linger on the “Aha!” moments and sort of gloss over what she calls the ”snot filled moments that come with personal transformation.”

I want to share my snot filled, middle-of-the-night, heart-clenched-in-terror moments of my current transformational period with you for a really important reason.

Here’s what I’ve learned from the years of painful, exhilariting, down-in-the-trenches work I’ve put myself through:

Our feelings do not have to dictate our actions.

Hear me? Write it down and tape it to your bathroom mirror, your desk, your fridge, your forehead – this has been SO crucial in my growth through fear.

Our feelings do not have to dictate our actions.

So I can be terrified of being in love with this person. I can imagine him lying to me, cheating on me, betraying me, falling out of love with me, leaving me, being mean to me, (and ten other things that I thought of between 3 am and 6 am this very morning)….

 AND…..

At the same time I can choose to love him, open my heart to him, be present with him, and continue to grow our partnership.

How are you hearing your fears yet CHOOSING to act in a way that honors your inner wisdom about each situation?

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