It is endlessly amusing to me how much making my business work is like making my relationship work. I’ve written articles comparing my biz to a hot date- and the reverse is absolutely true-there have been mornings I’ve woken up and just want to avoid even talking to it.
Growing up without healthy examples of adult relationships, it’s been both challenging and frustrating for me to learn how to be a healthy part of a thriving relationship- and it’s fascinating to see how SIMILAR my relationship with my business feels- from the “I want to wear your sweatshirt everywhere so people know I’m yours” phase right on down to the “If you even look at me I’ll stab your hand with a fork” phase. You know them both too, right?
Being recently married (for the second time), I’ve noticed I have to apply many of the same tools from my personal relationship in learning how to be consistently and persistently committed in my business and to my business.
One of the most important tools I use (or, try to 🙂 -we all have our bitchy, sulky days) is the imperative nature of being able to assess what you need and then ask for it.
For instance, maybe you think, “Gosh I’m not getting anything done these days. I need to work backwards from a clear, concise goal. What would help me is to create that structure. Whom might I find that can help me with that?”
Or, “I don’t know what the goal is that I want to be working backwards from! I need help figuring out what’s most important in my business right now. Who could help me get crystal clear and focused?”
Or, “My business JUST doesn’t feel like it’s working. I’m going to sit down and figure out what my goal is and how to get to it, and then I’m going to need help in making a blueprint that I can carry out on a week-to-week basis. Who might help me there?”
First step: is to stop rushing forward when something feels off.
I love taking Pilates classes, and sometimes my teacher will actually tell me to make a movement as SMALL as I possibly can to isolate and understand the work- this is similar.
So first step equals the tuning in that something feels off/wrong/not pleasurable. And you’re not alone in rushing, rushing, rushing a lot of the time- sometimes just this first step feels hard. Our culture is programed to KEEP moving when something feels hard, or uncomfortable, or painful (think of cold and flu medicine so you can keep moving without resting. Midol so you don’t have to stop when you get your period. Aspirin for headaches so you don’t even have to THINK about what might be causing it. Coffee if you’re exhausted because you stayed up too late…)
For instance: noticing that you’re suddenly consumed with jealousy over a FB post, or avoiding work/tasks in your biz, eating more or less than feels healthy, sleeping less or more than usual, not feeling good about your work week or living for Fridays. All of the above are symptoms that something is off- and I invite you to STOP following the masses to bulldoze through it and instead STOP and feel into what’s happening. It’s a valuable message from you, TO YOU, that something needs tweaking!
Second step:
Is to identify what’s not working. What needs to change. For instance: I don’t feel like I’m getting the growth I want. My promotions aren’t working- ideal clients aren’t coming in. I’m not getting new clients or aligned clients. My schedule isn’t working- I have no free time or can’t make time AWAY from my biz or screens.
This is a REALLY important step because it invited you to take time to LISTEN to yourself. Turning outsides yourself for answers, validation, or tools is the norm right now, and you actually HAVE so much of the info you need- you’re just used to rushing and not making time to hear it, and feel confident about it.
Third step:
Get crystal clear about what the change is that you want to see: is it consistent growth in your community/list? A certain amount of clients coming in per month? A schedule that has time for you or ends at 5 every day and gives you free weekends?
It’s important to make this step measurable so that you can see how what you’re doing is working to get you closer to it.
Fourth step:
This one is about GETTING SUPPORT. No successful, happy woman does it alone. And laboring under the delusion that you SHOULD be doing it alone only sets up an unhealthy mindset (one which, by the way, you’re putting out into the world, so don’t be surprised to see prospects coming to you that are resistant to hiring YOU for help!)
At this stage what you need to know is: What help do you need? Who can help you? What can you ask for?
These four steps are REALLY helpful to make regular time and space for- doing so will allow you to see immediate results in your biz of clarity, focus, and empowered feelings- all of which you’ll project outwards.
AND, have some fun – apply these steps to your relationship and see what happens.
A healthy, thriving relationship with your biz requires that you step into ownership- of your feelings, needs, actions and behaviors. It requires that you are able to be clear about what you need, ask for support, and then get out of the way and ACCEPT it.
Ready to move forward to the next step?
We’ll work together to create true freedom and growth in your biz using heart-filled marketing techniques that have been around for decades (because they WORK!).
